When Opportunity Was at My Door

... the last thing i wanted was to get sick

It is not very often that i feel that i am working at 100% capacity (yes this make shock some of you who think i don't take time to breath) and perhaps no human being should. But it is my nature to rev my engine and step things into high gear when ever possible. Thus my usual aim: 80-90% just avoiding utter burn out. The last 2-3 weeks I have had to downshift into low gear. While being sick was a clearly uncomfortable experience the greater pain was being held back and forces to pull back on my involvement. I was forces to look for a balance between activity and recovery but found myself generally overly frustrated at the results (something to look into improving in the future? perhaps). I did decide to narrow my expectations and absorb 100% of the joy from each of them.

Changes/New Focuses:
-find even small joys in every moment
-make enjoying the process, and everything around me the #1 priority and the rest will follow
-when I am healthy again not to push to hard to arrive at the next level. (I think this worked!)

As I was sick for quite some time (from my first clinic visit to my final check up a total of 4 weeks) I had a fair bit of time to ponder about how I was feeling so for those who are interested I will proceed with my bed rest life lessons.

1. you cannot do it alone (anything really but especially this). My sickness (resulting from large amounts of gastro-bacteria resulting in ulcers) had really been crippling and in through it all I am so thankful to have 3 great roommates a caring supervisor and a wonderful Kenyan stranger who took care of me when he found me barfing at the side of the road (pleasant isn't it). HUGE shout outs to my dear friend and traveling comrade Conor who not only helped me get to the hospital in both urgent situations but returned to the hospital to pick up meds and made me feel comforted every other day along the way. THANKS EVERYONE (additional love shout out to my family at home who showered me with good wishes and love in the form of very informative e-mails)

2. The urgency of the situation. I was very lucky to be able to get a car to pick me up quite quickly and speed me off to the hospital. Having lost almost all the liquids in my body I was very dehydrated and ready to pass out. I am sure conditions would have worsened if I was not treated in good time. This has really made me think about the people of the slums - most who would struggle to pay for a car hire and would have to use much slower means. It's scary really.

3. I have noticed my, perhaps inherently human desire to see the fruits of my labour and weep some of what I sow. Pre-sickness I had laid the building blocks (with the help of others) for both our mothers gathering at the Afema therapy center and for our sports launch for the non-formal schools. Sitting in bed I knew they were now ready to go on without me but I still desperately desired to be out there with them celebrating in the moment. I felt slightly distraught at the thought that my involvement may be forgotten, slowly fading away, after i had worked hard to collect with the support of many donors to purchase the material for the sports programing. I know I need to work on giving myself internal praise and being happy with my accomplishments and the good that is done rather than looking to others for this.

Without a doubt the hardest thing about being sick was missing out on the moments that had passed. When every day here brings so much more knowledge, understanding, opportunity for change and happiness it is hard to be stuck inside for walls.


The good news is... 
1. I decided to give a big internal push and get myself to the sports launch to see things for an hour or two - and i was very glad i did
2. We will be holding another mothers gathering at Afema at the end of this month.
3. I went for my final check up today and I am A.OKAY. although I will still have to be strict
with my non-acidic diet.

the future looks bright and full of opportunity
and in hindsight getting sick was a unique opportunity of its own.