Inspiration to Move Forward

I like to think that the world remains in constant transition around a happy medium where all the bad in the world will find balance with all the good. And where we find the moments of stress and anxiety many, too are days of complete relaxation and accomplishment. Like the Chinese philosophy of Ying and Yang. Whenever one quality reaches its peak, it will naturally begin to transform into the opposite quality: for example, grain that reaches its full height in summer (fully yang) will produce seeds and die back in winter (fully yin) in an endless cycle (Wikipedia).

While I do not believe myself to be a religious person, I do embrace spiritual thoughts, and this is one of those which drives my life and which has the power to uplift my soul in times of when darkness seems to prevail within myself and/or around myself. This connects to my belief that the world is a flowing body of ever changing and interconnected energy fources, a body that few individuals are able to tap into completely. (On a interesting note – I came across a video recently in which a lady by the name of  Jill Bolte Taylor gives proof of the relatity of this concept in her TED talk, A Stoke of Insight… very worth checking out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU)

But this world can be dismal… and the paths to greener pastures can seem clouded and uncertain at even the best of time. This past week and sum I have found myself on a rocky coaster traveling up and down and around and around as I experienced exhaustion, inspiration, motivating, heart break, defeat, exhaustion, depression and hope.

I’m going to step back in memory lane as I look back at all has happened in the last little while.

Many weeks ago it was announced to myself that I had been named to KWs top 40 under 40 (!...?) The announcement was quickly followed by feelings of excitement and pride… and then shortly after I became very hesitant in accepting the award, felt undeserving and uncomfortable.  I knew exactly why I felt this way. I am surrounded by deserving people who deserved the acknowledgement just as much or perhaps even more than myself. I mentioned the award to almost no one as I hated the idea of tooting my own horn, for I do not do the work I do for attention nor to I ever want to put myself above others. While for a long time the award caused me more stress than happiness, I have recently jumped the fence to the other side… or am at least straddling the fence now J and much of this change is attributed to the support which I received from others. People were quick to congratulate me and found me deserving of this award, and  even people I didn’t know were congratulating me around campus. Now I see the award as a force to continue to move me forward, keep me inspired and let others know that KW is full of people who strive to make this a better place to live and that these actions deserve celebration.

While in this case both Ying and Yang have done their thing and all is well in one particular news release this week I found an even greater struggle between Ying and Yang… and every time my mind goes back to this story I find it hard to believe that a balance will be found, although the attention now brought to this issue does bring hope. The article I am mentioning is ‘Rights groups accuse Kenya of patient abuse’ by David McKenzie on CNN. The chilling stories supported by real life footage of the abuse of persons with disabilities (physical and mental) in Kenya make me absolutely sick, disgusted and frustrated. People with disabilities are the lights of my life, in fact as I write this I am waiting to depart for a weekend of competition and fun with the special Olympics snowshoeing team that I coach and cherish, as we head up north. I am thankful that these youth and adults have supportive families and communities which allow them to live their lives out to their fullest and appreciate their talents and abilities. I have witness these people have great physical successes, proudly represent their sport around the community, and work and enjoy of life of some independence. People with disabilities may not do things the way we do them, but they have the power to succeed if given the opportunity. In Kenya persons with similar disabilities to the people I coach are segregated from ‘normal’ people, locked in rooms, feared, unloved and un human. In the ‘mental health institute’ featured in this article reporters found persons confined there overly medicated, uncared for and even found one ‘inmate’ sleeping beside someone who had died the night before. Abelism seems to have Kenya in a death grip drawing a big black line to separate able bodied from disabled. Ying and Yang don’t seem to be in balance… yet.  I am hoping the new attention brought to this issue will bring change, and if given the opportunity I will work towards the cause of fair treatment in any way possible during my stay in Kenya. Perhaps Ying will find Yang soon for the people who have disabilities in Kenya. I suggest you take some time to read this article at http://edition.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/africa/03/02/kenya.health/

I think if I was to call this a spot on my weeklong rollercoaster ride I would call this the peak – where I have reached a comfortable plateau and for a split second feel comfortable but am becoming increasingly worried as to what leads ahead on the trip!

Then I realized my rollercoaster was headed down, down, down… slowly as if I was traveling through water.  Welcome to the world of depression… population 1…or so I felt. A good percentage of the world suffers from depression perhaps chronic or only temporary, and although all the facts tell you you’re not alone it’s hard to believe. Two days of missed school, avoidance of friends and lying in bed life felt uninspiring, uninteresting and dismal. But why, while so much good is going on in my life, could I not connect to any happy feelings. I still don’t know why exactly, although signs are pointing to having too many things on my plate and a distaste with school, and very dreary Ontario weather, but with the help of people I love and the realization that life is in my hands today … is finally a happy day! J and ying and yang are doing their thing!

I look back on this week + and wonder how this rollercoaster will compare to the rollercoaster awaiting me in Kenya. The realities of out of balanced yings and yang will surely be more apparent as instead of reading about them I will be immersed in them. I think I will have to adjust my expectations of ‘good’ and look deeper than the surface to uncover them and remain hopeful. To cope… well I am going to be leaning on my ability to find the good in the people around me and the work I will be doing, my ability to breath, and vent, whether in be through exercise, to a paper and pen or to my hopefully willing roomies J.

Maybe when I am feeling blue I can just look down… and remember that life will always be changing and with the changing world I will continually have to reinvent myself, but in doing so I must remember to always DO WHAT I LOVE J and friends and family… I suggest you do the same. 

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